The Day My Little Prince Came Into the World
On the 23rd of August 2011, I was admitted to the hospital, knowing that the next day I would finally meet my little prince. That night felt so special to me. I was excited, nervous, and filled with so many emotions. I could hardly sleep. I spent hours talking to my baby, whispering to him and praying with him, even though he was still safely inside my belly. I kept touching my tummy and thinking, this is the last night my baby will be inside me. It was my first baby. How could I possibly sleep? But beneath all the excitement, there was also a little fear in my heart. What if something goes wrong? What if there are complications? What if I don’t get to see my son? Those thoughts kept coming back to me.
Because of that fear, I made a very personal decision. I asked to be awake during the Caesarean, with only the lower part of my body numbed. I wanted to be awake throughout the entire procedure. I wanted to see my baby come into the world and experience every precious moment of my son’s birth with my own eyes. If anything unexpected happened, at least I would have been there to see him.
Then, finally, the morning of the 24th of August arrived. The moment I had been waiting for was finally here. And then I saw him. My baby was brought out of my belly, alive, moving, and beautiful. My heart was overflowing with joy. The doctor brought him close to me and said, “Handsome baby boy!” Those words have stayed with me ever since. My precious boy. He was so handsome.
I looked at him and couldn’t believe that this beautiful little baby was finally in my arms. After carrying him in my belly, talking to him, praying with him, and waiting for him for so many months, I could finally see his little face. At that moment, I had no idea how much this little boy was going to change my life. I had no idea what journey lay ahead of us, the challenges, the tears, the strength we would discover, and the beautiful moments that would fill our lives. All I knew was this: I had finally met my son.
The News We Never Expected
About an hour later, I was taken back to the ward. Around me were other mothers, each with their newborn babies beside them. But I was still waiting for mine. My pulse and blood pressure were slightly low, so I was still being monitored. Kugan, my mom, and my sister were all so excited to meet little Raeyan. I still remember what Kugan told me: “Dear, our son is so adorable. I saw most of the doctors and nurses looking at him and playing with him.”
Poor Kugan. He had no idea that, while he was happily admiring our little boy, the doctors had noticed something that needed further checking. They were examining Raeyan and quietly discussing their findings. He was simply a proud new father, excited to meet his son, completely unaware of what was happening behind the scenes. My mom, however, was very nervous. She stayed beside me, held my hand, and tried to keep me calm.
For a little while, Kugan went to the cafeteria to get some drinks. Then, a pediatrician came towards me carrying my little Raeyan, with a nurse beside her. She smiled and said,
“Hi, Mommy. This is your son. He is very active and doing well. He was born with Down syndrome.”
I was confused. I asked her again. And again. I couldn’t understand what she was telling me. The words Down syndrome kept echoing in my mind. Suddenly, I remembered my childhood friend, Ayu, who had Down syndrome. I was overwhelmed. I didn’t know how to process what I had just been told. In that moment, I broke down. I pushed the shelf beside me and screamed. The pediatrician tried to take my baby back to the nursery. I couldn’t move. My mom immediately hugged me and held me, trying to comfort me. When Kugan returned, he could see that something had happened. He looked at me and asked, “What happened?” He was completely confused. It was an incredibly emotional day for all of us. We had come to the hospital filled with excitement, eagerly waiting to welcome our baby. Suddenly, everything felt different. So, through our tears, confusion, and overwhelming emotions, Kugan and I tried our best to encourage and comfort each other. Meanwhile, our little baby was kept in the nursery.
We had no idea then that this was only the beginning of a journey that would challenge us, strengthen our faith, bring us closer as a family, and teach us lessons we could never have imagined. And little did we know that there was still more waiting for us. But he was still our baby. It was still Raeyan’s day.
An Unforgettable Night
That night became one of the most unforgettable nights of my life. I had fallen into a deep sleep. When I woke up, there was nobody beside me. I wanted to call Kugan, but the hospital rules did not allow anyone to stay with me overnight. My phone was not beside me either, so I couldn’t even call someone to talk to. I felt completely alone. I couldn’t sleep anymore. I cried and prayed. My mind was filled with so many thoughts and questions.
How am I going to give him the best life? How am I going to teach him? What am I supposed to do? Will he speak? And one thought that broke my heart:
What if one day he asks me, “Mama, why am I like this?”
I couldn’t bear lying in that bed anymore. I had been advised to rest after the Caesarean, but all I wanted was to see my baby. I still had a urine bag attached to me. I couldn’t even stand properly on my own, but somehow, I gathered the courage to get up slowly. Without anyone knowing, I began walking towards the nursery. I was dizzy. Every step was difficult. But I prayed to Jehovah God and kept walking.
As I made my way there, I heard another mother in the delivery room giving birth. The baby’s father was anxiously walking back and forth, clearly nervous and waiting for his baby to arrive. When I finally reached the nursery, I saw my little Raeyan. He had a small identification tag with my name on his tiny hand. There were around eleven babies in the nursery. Chinese babies, Indian babies, Malay babies, all sleeping peacefully beside one another. Raeyan looked almost like a little Chinese baby with his fair complexion. I looked at all the babies.
As they slept, they all looked so much alike. There was nothing about them that made me think about disabilities. They were simply beautiful, innocent little babies.And as I sat there looking at my son, something changed inside me. I made a promise to myself.
“No. I’m not going to spend tonight worrying about how I’m going to bring him up. Tonight, I am going to be happy. I am going to love my prince and take care of him the best way I can.”
For the first time since hearing those words Down syndrome, I felt a little peace.
Later, my gynecologist came out from the delivery room and saw me sitting there. He spoke to me gently. He told me that it was a developmental delay and that Raeyan would be okay. Then he looked at me and said, “Please go and rest. You shouldn’t be walking around like this. How did you even come out here without anyone helping you?” He advised me to return to my bed and get some proper rest. The nurse eventually gave me medication to help me sleep. By the next day, something had changed in me. I was no longer thinking about what I had lost. I was thinking about what I had been given. I was ready to bring my little prince home.
The Morning I Was Ready to Bring My Little Prince Home
The next morning, I woke up with a completely different feeling. I was ready to bring my little prince home. The nurses came and removed my urine bag. They helped me clean myself and slowly get up from the bed. To everyone’s surprise, I managed to stand up quite easily. I smiled to myself. 😜 After all, I had already had my “training” the night before! Walking all the way to the nursery while I was still recovering from my Caesarean had somehow prepared me for this moment. I was still tired and sore, but my heart was filled with excitement. I just wanted to hold my baby, bring him home, and begin our life together as a family. Little did I know that the journey waiting for us would be much bigger than I could ever have imagined.
The nurse finally brought Raeyan to me. I held him in my arms. I touched him, looked at his little face, and held my precious boy close to me. There are no words that can truly describe what I felt in that moment. Those were tears of joy. As I held him, something in my heart told me: “This boy is going to strengthen my faith and bring me even closer to Jehovah.”
My family had arrived by then, and everyone was so happy to see me and, most importantly, to finally meet little Raeyan. We began getting everything ready for our discharge from the hospital. We were excited to take our little prince home and start our new life together. But before we left, the doctor spoke to us about Raeyan’s condition. We were told that Raeyan had a heart defect called an Atrial Septal Defect (ASD) a hole between the upper chambers of the heart.
Kugan and I felt overwhelmed. It felt like we had already received so much to process, and now there was another piece of news that we had never expected. But the doctor gave us something to hold on to. He told us that, as Raeyan grew older, there was a possibility that the hole might close by itself. That little bit of hope meant so much to us. So, with hope in our hearts, we brought our little boy home. We didn’t know then what the future held. We simply held on to our faith in Jehovah, our love for our son, and the hope that everything would be alright.
Note for the Readers
This is our family’s personal experience, reflecting our faith, conscience, emotions, and circumstances at that time. We are not encouraging or asking others to make the same decisions. Faith and conscience are personal, and we respect each individual’s right to make their own choices.
We are simply sharing our journey, our experiences, and what our faith meant to us during one of the most difficult times in our lives.
This is our story, shared with love and hope, not a prescription for anyone else’s journey.
